I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
