something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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