I queefed so loud it echoed.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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