The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize