If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
