I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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