I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize