hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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