tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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