she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
