In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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