Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
