I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
