hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
