I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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