That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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