i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
