They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
