Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
