I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
