i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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