Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
