I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
either way he was missing a nipple.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
