D3 body, D1 cock
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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