I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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