ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
