Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
