in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
