It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
