Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
