Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
