You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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