im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
