I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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