you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
