still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
this will be a night to untag.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
