Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Even my vagina gasped.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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