I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
