with your own penis?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
