Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.

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(216): View more from Ohio

he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone

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(206): View more from Washington

Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.

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(310): View more from California

If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!

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(224): View more from Illinois

These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy

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