Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
