I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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