Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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