I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
