oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
