I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
