I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
please come you make the beer taste better
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
