come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
