Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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