I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
