I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize