she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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