FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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