you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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