Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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