So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
