I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
