my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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