Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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