I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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