My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
