somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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