If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
