Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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