I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
