First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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