I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
