I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
