I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
